Welcome to the real estate heaven that is Castelo do Bolso Vazio in Lisbon, Portugal — where houses are old enough to be in history textbooks, appliances are treated like rare artifacts for the elite, and premium locations are a distant rumor that people still think is real.
I’m your humble (yet astonishingly rich) guide, Maria Mortgage, and I’m here to make your house-hunting journey in this picturesque city an endless dream you’ll both happily pay for, and never wake up from.
Browse through our lustrous catalogue here at Castelo do Bolso Vazio. You’ll notice several gorgeous buildings with charmingly ancient façades of our typical Portuguese tiles, or as we call them “azulejos“. It sounds fancy just to say the word, so you know you’re friends will know you’ve hit the jackpot.
Don’t mind the cracks, they are just heroic tales of Portugal’s years of valiant discoveries and conquests. After all, these aren’t just houses; they’re living monuments.
Things age well in Portugal; the wine, the cork, the people, and the houses. It’s all part of that Vintage Villa-like feel. Some properties are as old as the monarchy, whispering stories of centuries past. I mean, you can’t put a price tag on that!
Old-World Charm: The New Luxury
Old-world charm is the new-day luxury. Our buildings are beautifully renovated while preserving their age-old character. When you walk through the creaky wooden doors of our apartments, you’re not just entering a home; you’re entering a time warp.
You are embracing a truly historical experience (and lifestyle), and therefore it’s no surprise that the electrical wiring is outdated and the mysterious plumbing configurations cause your ceiling to get leaky because of the upstair neighbor’s shower.
Appliance Rarities: A Minimalist Dream
A house that comes with a dishwasher is like possessing a philosopher’s stone, and one with a washing machine too is a gem so precious, that it is guarded by the four-headed figure of financial barrier. The privileged few who own such relics are the envy of the neighborhood.
Appliances are overrated modern distractions. Our houses proudly uphold a more minimalist lifestyle by not burdening you with techy conveniences like dishwashers, microwaves, or washing machines. We believe in a more slow kind of living, with a hands-on approach to domesticity.
Strategic Locations: A Breath of Fresh Mold
Here at Castelo do Bolso Vazio, we know location is important to you. Our properties are strategically placed in areas that are either too humid or too lively, depending on whether you prefer to inhale fresh mold mixed with ocean air in the morning or listen to the soothing soundtrack of nightlife throughout your insomniac nights.
Stunning Views: Laundry Day Saga
And did we mention the stunning views? Some might call it scenic; others might call it a close-up of the neighboring building’s laundry. But part of the authentic experience of living in such a quaint city is to have a front-row seat to the thrilling saga of laundry day. Plus you will never feel disconnected from society with the lady at the window across the street watching your life play out like a reality TV show she is binge-watching.
The Treasure Hunt Begins: Affordable Living Awaits
So when can we start visiting some homes, you ask? Right now of course! In fact, the sooner you start the treasure hunt for affordable living, the better. We hope you’re well-versed in the literature of “Where’s Waldo” because spotting your home is just as challenging as spotting Waldo in a crowded illustration.
Commitment and Requirements: A Sacred Vow
But don’t worry! We are here to help you! We know what you are looking for and we can meet your needs.
We just need your down payment first. The more months of rent in advance you can pay the better. After all, we need to know that you are as committed to this as we are. You see, this is not just about signing your name on a dotted line; it’s a commitment as sacred as marriage is in this country.
You’ll need a reliable guarantor, a co-signer, proof of a stable (preferably not minimum-wage) income, and a character reference from your kindergarten teacher. We take this process seriously because we need to be certain that you’re ready to care for a house that predates most modern inventions.
But fret not, dear house-hunter, these are less like challenges, and more like character-building experiences. Plus, with the number of rents you’ve paid in advance, you’re practically a shareholder in the illustrious history of your new home.
Prioritizing Locals: More Important Than AirBnB
Plus, if you’re quick enough to start the marathon of the bureaucratic process, you may just beat another AirBnB from taking your home away. At Castelo do Bolso Vazio, we prioritize our locals because they are more important to us than short-term rentals. Unless of course, those tenants pay an attractive number of months in advance…
We’re so honored to be a part of your illusion of finding a home, and we hope you get as much out of the process as we do!
Don’t ghost me just yet… read more of my stories and support my writing here.
Leave a Reply